In the Wait

Adoption is the truest roller coaster.  Some days pass with gentle joy and anticipation, a sweet longing for a child you do not yet know.

And then, there are days–like today– where the wait is excruciating.  Where the physical weight of it seems too much to bear.  Days where you cry to God, “I don’t NEED a lesson in patience, Lord.  Please answer swiftly! Move mountains!” (Clearly this rant at God proves otherwise.)  Days like today pass by with knots in stomachs and prayers for guidance.  Nights are spent sorting through thoughts and desires of a vulnerable heart, prayers that He would hold it gently in His palms.

And He hears each prayer.  He catches each tear.  In His Fatherly love, He also catches each tear of a little girl across the ocean crying for someone to hold her, or a little boy longing for a warm bed and a full belly, and a kiss goodnight.

I am thankful for more days of patience and peace than of turmoil.  I am grateful to a God who has this–who already knows the outcome.  A gracious God who works all things for good and makes all things beautiful…..in its time. I won’t choose fear.   I will choose to rest in His embrace, and rejoice in the hope of what is to come.  A peace that He already knows what is around the corner….He already knows what is in store for me, regardless of what I think I want it to look like.  And rest assured, it will be more beautiful than I could have ever dreamed it to be.