This week we had another home visit by our state agency. (They are the local agency we went through to complete all of the homestudy process.) They make a visit every few months to check a few specific things around our house…namely: smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detector, water temperature (a cool 115 degrees), medicine cabinets and cleaning supply cabinets. They basically make sure everything is still as it should be and nothing drastic has changed with our living situation.
Now, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m not usually a person to spaz about a perfect house when having people over. We have three kids, we eat almost every meal at home, and we play (and learn) hard in our house. If I waited until it was perfect we would live in a bubble and never let anyone in. But, it feels a little different when the person coming over is ACTUALLY coming over to inspect your house, not just hang out. It was a crazy week with doctor appointments, baby showers, late work nights for Andy, and the preparation for a weekend with my family celebrating the life and passing of my dearest Great-Uncle Tom. Cleaning wasn’t exactly my top priority. Addy already had a doctor appointment scheduled 45 minutes away at 10 AM, and our case worker was going to arrive at noon. I acted like a crazy person getting everyone fed, dressed, and cleaned up while trying to get the house in order too. We came to the point when I knew we HAD to get int he van to make our appointment, and as I tried herding the clan out the door I saw Cora’s hand reach up to the table and pull over a cereal bowl full of milk and soggy Lucky Charms that I had forgotten to grab after breakfast. The soggy goo splattered all over the floor, and I just walked away continuing to load everyone up.
I began the drive thinking about how hard it seems to be to “have it all together” sometimes. I went into the mode of assuming I must be the only one with a dirty house and moments of chaos (HA!). I spent about 10 minutes reflecting on my flaws and trying to figure out what I could do to fix them. Then, with no immediate revelations, I turned the radio on. A woman doing a short “moment of encouragement” hit the nail on the head for me in that moment. She spoke about how we focus so much on our flaws, sometimes to the point that we fool ourselves into believing that is ALL people see in us. She gently reminded that we are more than our flaws–we are a whole person full of talents and gifts to offer, even with our flaws. She went so far as to say, “You are wonderful…even with your flaws!”
It was a lesson I needed to be reminded of at that moment. I am not my flaws, I am a daughter of the King! I am not defined by my flaws either, and people will see more than just mistakes and chaos (I hope!), but even if they don’t I can trust that my Savior made me wonderfully and saved me knowing the extent of my flaws…….and “my soul knows that very well!”
(For the record, the visit went fine. I DID get home in time to clean up the Lucky Charms and vacuum. Our caseworker is very kind; and I am making a promise to myself not to apologize to her for my house anymore. It is what it is.)