Homestudy Visit #2- Check!

We survived the home study visit Thursday!  Andy will probably tell you he is more thankful about this than me because for weeks I have been a little on-edge about how I would get everything in order for the visit, and I think he was getting a LITTLE tired of reminding me it would be fine and our house didn’t have to appear perfect.  However, he did decide to work from home Thursday so he was able to help a bit before the visit, and while the house wasn’t perfect, it was about as good as our house gets with three kids under 6.

And, I must give credit where credit is due….Wednesday evening, I mentioned to Addy (who was sitting in the middle of what appeared to be her bedroom floor, but it wasn’t visible due to clothes, toys and books) that we were picking up the house because a lady was coming to see if our house was safe enough for our new baby.  She has, from Day 1, begged us to let the new sibling share a room with her, if it is a sister.  I went back to my business of preparing supper and thought she was downstairs playing.  When I announced, “supper time,” and she didn’t come, I went looking for her.  I found her in her SPOTLESS room, arranging her shoes in her closet.  Friends, this NEVER happens.  She is a normal kid who HATES to clean her room, and even at 5 years old can come up with every excuse or distraction in the book to avoid it–no matter the bribe.  However, she told us that she wanted to make sure her room was safe so our case worker would tell us the baby could stay in her room.  So sweet.

Abe, not to be outdone by his big sister, also worked hard cleaning his room, and proudly dragged us down the hallway and into his tidy room.  We praised him and high-fived, and then he puffed out his chest a little, and announced, “I put ev-wee-ting in my cwoset.”  Yep, he did, but I was no less proud of the effort….and don’t tell our case worker, but we just left it like that! 🙂

The home study meeting went great, and everything should be “official” in 2-4 weeks, but I must share another one of the humorous hoops we have found to jump through for the State of IL.  Our case worker asked if we raise our own pork or beef, and we replied no, but that my parent raise cattle and we get our meat from their packing plant.  Because we have home-grown beef, rather than say the stuff they call beef in the Wal-Mart Deli, we have to have our packing plant prove to DCFS that they are legit.  She asked us to get a letter on letterhead or with an official stamp that states they are IL Dept. of Agriculture approved.  So the packing plant is a small 3-4 person-run business in a tiny little village and they do an amazing job, but can you just imagine for a moment the conversation:

Letterhead? No, we don’t have letterhead……

A stamp? Um, No….

WHY do you need this again?

….Really?!  For an adoption?

They were so helpful, and we took care of the requirements, but it was pretty hilarious.

So all in all, the home visit wasn’t as scary as I’d led myself to believe. Yes, they checked our medicine cabinets and water temperature and fireplace, ect.  But, really, they spent more time looking at my Pinterest pumpkin than anything else.

Home Study #1- Check

The checklist to even get placed on a waiting list for adoption sometimes seems so daunting.  We have been diligent and timely in everything we have done since May, and still aren’t even “out of the gate” in terms of starting the process.  Sometimes it shocks me that we have been working so hard for the last 5 months, and aren’t even close to “officially” waiting for the 18 months- 4 years it might take to be matched with our child.  Nonetheless, each time we complete something we ARE that much closer!

In the past week, we have made some great progress.  Last Thursday we finally finished an online course called,”With Eyes Wide Open.”  It is a pretty intense online class that tries to help you imagine every scenario your child could have experienced in their first few years of life.  It was pretty time consuming and consisted of a TON of homework.  To be fair, after Andy and I had both worked hard all day, every day, we found it hard to force ourselves to sit and engage our brains to think about “sad starts” our child might be enduring right now.  We did make it through all 19 chapters, now only 6 more shorter trainings to go!

Last Friday we left for Chicago to do a 6-hour in-person training about adoption to meet our requirements for the State of IL.  It was a whirlwind trip, but well-worth our time.  The training was SO helpful.  The teacher was highly qualified and did a fantastic job engaging us and helping us think through things.  We also met some other great couples who are adopting from around the world, and I think it is so valuable to be able to share in this experience with other families.  The last half hour of the class, a very mature and well-spoken 18 year old, named Molly, came to speak to us.  She was adopted at 9 months from China and has had a great upbringing here in the states, and yet she spoke with us about the struggles she has had to endure through the years, and even on a daily basis as an adoptee.  I bit my lips so hard as she spoke so as not to burst into tears.  I think, to an extent, I naively thought that if we brought home a very young child, and did our best to love and care for them, then after 15 or 16 years that would somehow shield them to continued pain.  To hear her speak about the first times she was made fun of in school because of the way she looked or to have people ask her “how much did you cost?” broke my heart.  She talked about all the questions she has wanted answered over the years about her abandonment, and their are none to be found.  It became so clear to me that no matter how much we love this child, we can not erase the heartache of being an orphan…..and yet, we can provide love and a future, and each training is better-equipping us for this task.  The trip to Chicago made for a lot of sitting in the car, sleeping, sitting 6 hours in training, sitting 6 more hours in a car and then sleeping again, but it was still SLIGHTLY reminiscent of the fun road trips Andy and I used to take pre-kiddo days, so it was well worth the sitting for some alone time with my hubby.

 

After returning home from Chicago, we had our first home study visit on Monday.  This was a very laid back 4 hour meeting with our Illinois case worker.  She interviewed us and reviewed all of our paperwork with us to make sure it is correct.  She also told us more about the “hard starts” our child will endure and what to expect as a result.  The visit went well, and now we prepare for the last home visit (in our actual home this time) on Thursday.  After this the home study report will be written, sent to DCFS for a month to be approved and then we will be licensed in IL and can finish our dossier for All God’s Children and Bulgaria.

After each of these thing, I told Andy that I can’t bear to do any more training for a while.  We have heard SO many devastating things that are almost a given that our child will have endured themselves or have experienced vicariously by seeing other children experience them.  Unspeakable things.  How do I process this when it doesn’t make any sense?  We have learned in the past week that we should expect our child (even if labeled “healthy”) to come home with parasites, scabies, ear infections (think 18 hour flight….), undernourishment, attachment issues, and physical and sexual abuse experiences…….and this is BEST CASE SCENARIO.  So. Many. Hard. Things.

I have found a  peace in the past few days in a Matt Redman song that says,

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Even in the darkest places of our child’s little life, our faithful God will never once leave them alone.

Matt Redman “Never Once” YouTube Video

 

 

Life Without A Cape

At my husband’s suggestion, I have been reading a great book called “Love Does” by Bob Goff.    It’s an entertaining book about a guy who has lived a pretty extravagant life–living it to the extreme– and the lessons his adventures have taught him.  I have read it and laughed out loud, and I have read it with my jaw dropped open  because I think the guy is just crazy…..but he lives with the motto that love doesn’t sit around talking about what it will do, love just does.

I completed a great chapter this week during lunch.  (This is where I get most of my reading done–I put food in front of the children, they put it in their mouths, which produces a somewhat silent atmosphere and I read.  It’s the only time I have to sit long enough to read.  This is probably the reason all my books are smeared with mustard or peanut butter.) Anyway, he wrote about the events after Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus and killed himself.  The disciples needed to add another man to replace Judas, and they came up with two guys–Matthias and Justus.  They cast lots and Matthias won, and as Bob Goff states it, “He got the nod, and has been in every stained glass window ever since.”  He got the “cape.”  The distinguishing, important recognition of “the chosen.”  And Justus……we never hear about him again. Goff writes:

The thing is, “Justus” sounds a lot to me like “just-us.”  God’s plans are full of “just-us” kinds of people.  I would say the majority of us are just-us people, folks who don’t get a cape or a stained glass window.  We get the opportunity to do what God wants us to do with a lot fanfare…..It’s people like us who can be secretly incredible and get the most done.  That’s the way Jesus’ reverse economy works.

You see the thing is, I am a “just-us” kind of person.  I’ve noticed with blogging/Facebook ect., that we can appear to be “cape” people—slant our lives to look like we have it all together, that we have perfect children and husbands and well-put-together lives.  It gives people a false impression that we live life with a cape–somehow doing life better than they are.  I despise this about social media, and yet I buy into it.  I need to confess to you….

I am a sinner.

I don’t want to give you the impression that my life is perfect, and that my marriage is effortless, and that my children obey because they just love doing it, or that we are adopting because God has somehow granted us this “larger mission” than He’s given others.  Not at all.  My life is chaotic, and Andy and I don’t always have the same ideas for how to do things, and my kids test my patience every single day, and there are nights I fall asleep thinking, “What am I doing?!”

But I also find in those moments that God’s still small voice whispers, “You are doing life.  This is the place that I have called you to and it is hard AND beautiful.  Don’t worry that your calling isn’t the same as others, just serve where I have placed YOU.  Seek Me sinner, and find mercy.”

And I love that about Jesus that He knows me for more than my latest Facebook status.  He sees my filthy heart, and tells me it’s okay, He just wants me to serve Him where I am and live the life He has set me in– without a cape.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8

Meet Me in Chicago

Adoption activity is getting ready to pick back up again for a while as we enter the next stage of the game.  In the next 2 weeks, we will have completed everything we need for our home study.    We submitted all our paperwork about a month ago, and have been trying to continue our online training.  This weekend Andy and I will travel to Chicago for the required in-person training.  We knew the Baptist Children’s Home (which we are working with) would have their 2 day training at the end of October, but we couldn’t bear to sit on our hands for a whole month when we could go elsewhere.  I spent a few weeks calling about 15 different organizations all over Illinois, and the only training we could find was through The Cradle in Chicago.  It is only a one day class, which means we will be required to take additional online training to meet the requirements for our adoption, but it also means Andy won’t have to take off 2 extra days of work, AND we will be able to officially complete our home study a month sooner. Right now the home study is what we are waiting on so we can finish everything else.

In addition to finishing our training for Baptist Children’s Home (and working on our training for All God’s Children), we have our actual home study visits to complete.  These will be two 4-hour meetings with our case worker.  Our first meeting is next Monday, and we will travel to her office to talk with her both individually and as a couple, then she will come to our home on that Thursday to do a visit of our home and speak with us and our children.  I won’t lie, I am a little nervous about the actual home visit, not because I expect her to find our home un-fit, but do you know how hard it is to GET and KEEP my house clean with a 1, 3 and 5 year old living out life everyday.  If it isn’t spilled milk, it’s toys, clothes, blankets, papers, crayons, pots and pans and we won’t get into bathroom messes.  As soon as I get one room in decent order EVERY other room has been annihilated!  I keep trying to remind myself they are looking for a safe and loving home, not a perfect house, but still…..it will make for a tiring week.

If you have a few extra moments to pray for us the next few weeks, here is what I would be grateful to receive prayer for:

• Safe travel for Andy and I to and from Chicago this weekend….a time we could enjoy as a couple as we prepare for this new journey.
• Safety and a fun time with grandparents for our children.  Good sleep for Cora wherever she stays…this is always a source of stress for me as she still likes routine and her bed.
• Our first home study visit on the 23rd…..another afternoon the kids will have to be away from us.
• The days leading up to the in-home home visit- that I won’t focus so much on my getting my house ready that I forget that the children in it are worth so much more of my time.
• The in-home home study on the 26th.
• And, for Andy, that missing 2 whole days during his work week won’t add stress or pressure to him, and that he can be productive on the days he is there next week.

Life is Happening

One thing I love about Andy, is his constant reminders from day one of adoption planning  that we will continue living life while we wait.  He tells me all the time that we have an awesome opportunity to LIVE and have FUN with our kids during the next three or so years.  We want to continue to make memories and enjoy each moment.  We know that in many ways the wait will be long and frustrating at times, but we will not lay down and push pause on life while we wait for the newest member of the family to join us.  We will trust in His timing, and enjoy each day for the gift that it is.

So, this post is not an adoption post, but rather a “what’s happening” post about our life.  (And really, to be honest, there isn’t always going to be a lot of action on the adoption front, and I’m sure no one wants to read a post about, “STILL waiting!” :))  Besides, life is happening in our house and we are having a great time!  Addy started Kindergarten this year and Abe is continuing with Pre-School, and Cora is, well doing “Cora things.”  And all of that is happening under our roof each day.

I see it now, ahh yes, the eyes rolling–“They’re home-schoolers. Oh…..” HA!  Yep, that’s exactly what I would have said about 5 years ago.  Andy and I never would have dreamed that this would be what we were doing in our family at this point in time, but life is funny that way.  After I decided to quit my teaching job to stay home with Addy as a newborn, I began looking for a mom’s group to share new-mom ups and downs with.  I found a group called Moms and Munchkins at a local church and decided to give it a try.  On the morning of my first meeting, Andy hollered at me on his way out the door, “Have fun….don’t go turning into one of those crazy home-school moms!”  I laughed and replied, “Oh trust me, I won’t!”    [Insert foot in mouth here.]  The thing is that the longer I attended the group and met more moms who were homeschooling, I saw first hand how their families and their children flourished, and I started thinking, “Homeschooling’s not at all what I always thought it was!”  It is possible to enjoy your children in your home, raise them with a firm foundation of the love and holiness of Christ, and give them a phenomenal education.

I prayed about it for a very long time before I mentioned it to Andy.  When I finally did, we began praying about it and researching and researching and researching.  The thing is the more we researched, the more it confirmed how successful home-schooling is (when done right).  I talked to every home-schooling mom, every home-schooled child, every home-school graduate I could find, and I couldn’t find anyone who wished they would have done it any differently.  The kids enjoyed it, the parents enjoyed it, and there were beautiful bonds and memories formed in those homes.

Andy and I spent many late nights during the first three years of Addy’s life discussing if this “leap of faith” was something we were willing to do.  Did we really want to be responsible for taking her (and our future children) out of the “norm?”  Be responsible for if they succeeded or failed?  Subject ourselves to the criticism of others?  And what we realized was that we felt capable of teaching our children, and had the resources to do so, we believed that God would equip us for this calling, and that the criticism of others didn’t amount to anything in the Kingdom.  We looked at the great opportunities to teach with each child’s interest and abilities in mind, have school be interactive and tailored to them, be able to spend more time with their dad, and have the opportunity to learn together as a family.  We desired to see our children form close bonds with each other and with us.  It has always been our desire to live simply and remember what is of worth in this world, and we had a hard time envisioning that for our family in the busy-ness of school and school activities.

I know that there are many who do not understand or approve of homeschooling, to which I would agree it is not for everyone.  I have many dear friends whose children flourish in school, and it works wonderfully for their family, but at this season we didn’t feel it would be best for our family.  I come from a long line of educators and nearly everyone is Andy’s family teaches as well.   We value education in addition to spiritual knowledge and wisdom, and hope to impart both to our children!

I promise this will not be a home-school blog…please don’t run away, but this is what is happening right now in our home.  It is fun and exciting and a little scary, just like life should be!   With that, recess is over, and it’s time to get back to our science experiment outside….